I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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