I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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