i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
