Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
