just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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