Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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