I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
