The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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