he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
