Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
