Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
