I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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