i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
