I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
