So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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