I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
