People with herpes should wear stickers.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
