yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
