I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
