Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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