saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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