She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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