Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
