They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
