the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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