so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
a search helicopter?!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
