um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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