Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Sorry my hands just texted you
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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