You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
