I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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