There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
