I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
