your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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