I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
