So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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