so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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