He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm like, not good at living.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
