It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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