i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ttyl tear gas
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
