I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
