Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
