i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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