Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
