she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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