i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
