there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
