You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
