As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
