Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
