Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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