seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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