And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
