4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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