Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
