apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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