I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
