I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
