I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I looked at my own cervix.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
