I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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