North Korea, Best Korea!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
