so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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