What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
