If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
