After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
