I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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